Once Upon a Saturday: Horribly Horrible
by Rain-chan
Summary: All Ichigo wants to do is spend his Saturday relaxing...but stuff happens. Yes, my friends. Stuff. The thrilling sequel to the story "Once Upon a Friday: Gone Terribly Wrong". Not to worry, you can read this without having read the other one.
1. Once Upon a Saturday

_Here it is. The sequel I promised you all. It returns, with a vengeance! Who said that, anyway? I'm pretty psyched for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which I pre-ordered, and Phoenix Wright, Trials and Tribulations, which I did not. Yet. Trust me, if I can, I will. Because if I don't get that game when it comes out…I will die. Anyway, antics return, and so…whatever. Just read the story. I'm hungry. I warn you. This is far less normal than the last one._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

* * *

_Your favorite author, a.k.a Rain the Magnificent, which you shall always remember me by no matter how many times my name changes, presents…_

_**Once Upon a Saturday, The Sequel**_

**Summary: Ichigo wakes up one Saturday morning to discover something's amiss…**

* * *

It was a Saturday morning much like any other. Ichigo was sleeping in, because…well, it was what he did. Slept in. It should have been a relaxing day. Key words, _should have been_. As you can already tell, that was not to be so.

Ichigo woke up that morning to the sound of…well, it wasn't birds chirping. It was something entirely different.

The sound of a chainsaw rattled through the house. Screaming downstairs accompanied the noise. Ichigo sat up, blinked, and then realized something. Something…was amiss.

Yes, please tell us what set you off on that train of thought, Ichigo? The sound of the chainsaw, maybe? Anyway, Ichigo shot out of bed and down the stairs, where he stopped in the living room entrance, out of breath. He wondered with panic if there was some chainsaw murderer on the loose. That old man down the street always had looked suspicious…

But the noise had stopped. Ichigo looked around in confusion, wondering what was going on. And there, in the middle of the room, sat Rukia and his two sisters.

_Of course,_ he thought irritably. _Of course they would be responsible for something like that._

All three turned around simultaneously, wearing identical looks of terror on their faces.

"What is it now?" Ichigo groaned, tired of going through the same routine every day.

"We were just playing this game…" Rukia sounded completely stunned.

"It's…so scary!" said his sisters together.

Ichigo glanced at the game case on the floor. "…Resident Evil?"

The three girls nodded.

Looking at the screen, Ichigo noticed the chainsaw guy. He sighed. "I got up for this?"

"Awww, he was worried about us!" Rukia had quickly shaken herself out of her stupor and was back to her old annoying self. At that comment, his sisters snickered.

"I don't need this," Ichigo moaned, making for the stairs and the safety of his bedroom. Unfortunately, it was not to happen. For following him was none other than Rukia.

"Iiiiichigo," she sang, "whatcha up to?"

"Bed," Ichigo grunted, finding it easier to answer in monosyllables.

"You're so boring, Ichigo," Rukia huffed. "You never do anything fun. Your sisters played video games with me. How come you never play video games with me?"

Ichigo groaned. Apparently, Rukia had chosen that morning to be especially annoying. "You call being scared out of your wits fun?"

"Oh, but it was very fun, Ichigo," Rukia informed him. "All except for the parts with the zombies. That was scary. And the chainsaw guy. That was horrifying. And-"

"You mean the whole thing," said Ichigo.

"No, I don't," Rukia said stubbornly. "I mean the parts that were scary."

"…the whole thing." Ichigo began to make his way up the stairs, not wanting to get into another stupid argument with Rukia but unable to let the thing go.

"No," Rukia insisted. "Leon wasn't scary. He was really, really cool." To Ichigo's dismay, she followed him, babbling on about Leon. "Too bad you aren't that cool, Ichigo. But you could never match up to Leon's coolness."

"Whatever." Ichigo, frankly, did not _care _whether or not he had the potential of matching Leon's "coolness". He'd made it to the top of the stairs. Escape was in sight.

"Don't you run away from me, Ichigo." Rukia saw it, too. "I hate it when you do that!"

Frankly, Ichigo didn't care whether or not Rukia hated his running away from her. All he cared about was getting away from her incessant chattering. He reached for the door knob…turned it…the door was opening…

And that was when Rukia screamed. Piercingly. Ears ringing, Ichigo turned around to see what was the matter. All he saw was Rukia pointing at his room. He turned back around and searched for the cause of the ear-splitting shriek.

There, in the middle of his room, sat a white rabbit.

"I-chi-go!" screeched Rukia. "It…it…it…"

Ichigo stared at the thing, one eyebrow raised in annoyance. A stupid rabbit. But Rukia wasn't done.

"Ichigo!" She grabbed his arm. "Ichigo, do you _know_ what that _is_?"

"A rabbit," Ichigo grouched, attempting to shake her off.

"It's…it's…it's…_Chappy_."

Ichigo froze, horrified. Chappy…that stupid, stupid, _stupid_ rabbit. In Ichigo's book, of all rabbits, Chappy was the stupidest and most annoying of the lot. Unfortunately, Rukia's book was somewhat different than Ichigo's.

"Ichigo, quick, grab it! Grab it!" Rukia had started jumping up and down, still clutching Ichigo's arm. He felt his neck crack as he was jolted around.

Ichigo was adamant. (Not adamantite.) "No."

Rukia, however, was not to be dissuaded that easily. "_Yes_!"

"No! Let go of me!"

"_Do it_."

"If I do, will you let go of me?"

Rukia contemplated this. "Yes."

"Fine." Ichigo crept forward, ready to tackle the stupid rabbit. And then…it turned. And looked right at him. With those horrifyingly beady little eyes. It then turned and disappeared into his closet.

"Ichigo!" Rukia wailed. "I want Chappy! You're letting it get away!"

Stomping to his closet, Ichigo was sure he had it cornered. After all, where could it go?

"Grab it, Ichigo!" Rukia shouted. She stood in the doorway, cheering Ichigo on. "Bash it on the head!" She paused. "But don't _hurt_ it, okay?"

At this, Ichigo had to turn and give Rukia a _look_. "You want me to bash the thing on the head…_without _hurting it."

"Didn't you hear me?"

Shaking his head, Ichigo muttered a "whatever" and turned back to finish the job. He crept closer…closer…closer…and jumped through the closet to nab the little beastie!

Unfortunately, the little beastie was not there. This caused Ichigo to become disoriented, resulting in him crashing through the back of the closet, making a giant hole in the…ozone layer! Okay, not really. Making a giant hole in the wall. Which he presently fell through.

The last thing he heard was Rukia screaming "Ichigo!" loud enough to wake the dead.

And you know what? She just might have.

* * *

Out in the streets, a major commotion was going down. People were cowering in doorways, under cars, in dumpsters, all to get out of the way of a certain someone and his certain cell phone.

Kuchiki Byakuya marched through the streets like a madman, on the search for the one thing that continued to enrage him. The cell phone. The prank calls still had not stopped, and he was getting angry. All right, he was _beyond_ angry. He had vowed that he would personally crush every last cell phone in existence.

A woman screamed as Byakuya descended on her, ripping the cell phone from her hand. He proceeded to crush it in his fist. One down. A bazillion more to go.

No matter, nothing was impossible for Kuchiki Byakuya.

"The Gang" sat around a picnic basket, enjoying such picnic foods as watermelon and sandwiches. Oh, yes. And cupcakes.

Yachiru pressed a button on a pink cell phone, giggling. Speed Dial 1. She pressed the 'speakerphone' button.

The group listened intently to the oh-so-familiar ringing of the cell phone. Although annoying, it was highly satisfying for this group of people.

"I wonder when he's going to answer this time?" Gin mused, creepy smile…smiling creepily.

"Who cares?" moaned Momo. "Nothing has worth! Nothing!"

Hitsugaya stared at her, inching away as she began attacking the ground with a fork.

"Sh-sh-sh!" Yachiru bounced up and down. "It's picking up!"

The group leaned in, straining to hear the phone.

"_YOU_!" came a deranged voice from the other end. "I will hunt you down and personally---"

At that moment, Renji came walking up to this lovely gathering. "Not this again. What do you guys think you're doing, anyway? Do you want to be tortured?"

Yachiru giggled. Hitsugaya yawned. Momo stabbed the ground and moaned.

Staring at Momo, Renji asked what her problem was. No one knew the answer.

"She's just got problems," Gin said, stuffing his wide grin with watermelon. "Yum."

Yachiru had turned the phone off, bored with Byakuya's string of profanity. "Ooh, guys, guess what? I've got a great idea!"

Everyone, even Renji, (though he tried to look uninterested), leaned in to hear Yachiru's 'great idea'.

"I was reading about this thing where people get a call from the number 999-999-9999. And if they answer it, bad stuff's supposed to happen." She bounced some more.

"I see where you're going with this," said Gin thoughtfully. "But…none of us has the number 999-999-9999."

They were silent for a moment. And then the nature of the silence changed. No, none of _them_ had a phone with the number 999-999-9999...but there was one person…

* * *

_I hope this is sufficient to slake your thirst for my weird and wacky wonderfulness. It's not long…but I had to stop there. To create suspense, you see. So now. If you ever want to see what happens next, you'll review, or else. Nevermind that I haven't thought of the "or else" part. Don't you dare come around asking "or what?" I'll beat you, I swear I will. Then I'll press DELETE. Hah. Now. Off with you. Go review._


	2. In a PredictaMint

_I'm back with more of the fantastic story. My mind is brimming over with wonderful thoughts, and since I really wanted to draw a picture of Neku but ended up doing this instead, you had just better be grateful. I'm typing this on my new laptop, by the way. Ahh, the best part is…that wondrous desktop I put on there. Namely Subarashiki Kono Sekai. Namely It's a Wonderful World. Namely The World Ends with You. Which I am really, really psyched about. There are so many titles, I thought I'd just put them all, so maybe someone would know what I was talking about. I also watched WifeSwap tonight…and Monk is on Friday. Righto. Onward to chaos._

**Disclaimer: Your friend writing the story, (Insert Name Here), does not claim to own Bleach. Okay, she doesn't own Bleach. Nor does she own anything else that is copyrighted that might happen to appear in this story, since she isn't quite sure what will happen yet. She just makes it up as she goes along, most of the time.**

* * *

"And then he fell through the wall!" Karin was explaining the situation to Chad, who had rung the doorbell hoping to give the Kurosakis their mail. He'd found it sitting on the front lawn, getting all wet from the rain that had begun to fall, (mind you this is all the fault of the lazy paperboy), and, being Chad, had thought nothing of delivering it himself.

Chad, understandably confused, blinked several times before tackling the situation. "You saw this happen?"

"Well, no," said Karin. "But Rukia did! She told me herself!"

Chad sighed. "Can I talk to her?"

Karin nodded. "But I'd better warn you, she's in a 'state'."

By 'state', Karin meant that Rukia was sitting in a corner of Ichigo's room, wailing, as Chad discovered after he climbed the stairs two at a time. Not because he wanted to hurry. Just because he's that kind of guy. A _big_ kind of guy.

"…Rukia?" He wasn't asking if she was in there. No, Rukia's presence was quite apparent from the moment he entered the house; he could hear her cries from all the way downstairs.

"What?" Rukia sniffed, bunched up in the corner. "Can't you see I'm in a 'state'?"

Chad nodded. It was clear that Rukia was indeed in a 'state'. That was not the problem. "Is it true Ichigo fell through the wall?"

At this, Rukia burst into tears. Big, gulping sobs filled the room. "_Yes_! I-I saw hi-hi-him…h-he f-f-fell…right…through…th-th-the…_WALL_!" With the sentence painstakingly said, Rukia continued sobbing.

"Calm down," said Chad, attempting to stop the horrible racket. "I'll go take a look."

At this, Rukia perked up. "Will you get him out?"

Chad nodded.

For a moment, Rukia seemed pleased. Then her eyes once again filled with tears. "If he's not _DEAD_!"

Shaking his head, Chad walked over to the closet. Peering inside, which, for him, was hard, (he could barely fit his shoulders through the door), Chad saw the gaping hole left by the falling Ichigo. Slightly surprised that he had actually been told the complete truth, not just an exaggerated story, Chad poked his head through the hole and called down. "ICHIGO!"

A faint shout came back. "Chad? That you?"

Chad turned around with some difficulty. "I can hear him," he told Rukia, who was biting her nails.

Rukia's 'state' visibly dissolved. In its place was that familiar thing…anger. Jumping up, she wormed her way into the closet, staring intently down the hole before bellowing, "KUROSAKI ICHIGO! You are going to _PAY_ for this!" She turned back to Chad. "How are we going to get him out?"

Startled at how quickly Rukia's moods could change, Chad could only shrug. In all actuality, he had not developed a plan to get Ichigo out of the hole. He hadn't even been sure Ichigo had really fallen down a hole.

"Well, we're going to have to get him out some way." Rukia thought for a minute. In your head, you can play the little Jeopardy song, if you want.

"We could always…um…" Chad began, but stopped as Rukia leaned into the hole.

"Ichigo! You got yourself down there, now get yourself back up! Now!"

Alas, so intent on scolding Ichigo was Rukia that she didn't notice herself leaning forward a little bit too much. Sadly, she lost her balance at the opportune moment to send her tumbling down the hole herself.

"Rukia!" Chad cried, reasonably startled and distraught. Now there were _two_ of them down there. Oh, no…

This would require assistance. So Chad ran down the stairs to get much-needed help.

* * *

The first thing Rukia did when she reached the bottom was kick Ichigo in the head. "You moron! Look at what you've done!"

Ichigo, having received no thanks at all for catching Rukia on her way to imminent doom, yelled back. "What I've done? You were the one who wanted me to get that stupid rabbit!"

"I told you to get Chappy, not fall down a hole!"

"Like that was my fault? It was that demon-bunny!"

"Chappy is _not_ a demon-bunny!" Rukia went off to sulk. Unfortunately, wherever-they-were was pitch black, and she at once began calling for Ichigo.

Ichigo sighed. "What is it now?"

"I can't see anything!" Rukia complained. "Turn on the lights, or something."

"Hello, do you _see_ any lights?"

"Of course not! I would be able to if you'd _turn some on_!"

It went on like this for the better part of half-an-hour. Eventually, Rukia wandered so far that she and Ichigo could no longer locate each other.

"Ichigo, echolocate or something!" Rukia shouted at poor Ichigo.

Ichigo was at wit's end. "That's bats, stupid!"

"Don't you call me stupid, stupid!"

Suddenly, there was a strange noise. It sounded like a choking man listening to screamo. Rukia screamed.

"Rukia, screaming's not going to help. I can't find you." Ichigo was relishing his sweet revenge. He did, however, feel a tug from his conscience. Maybe he should find her, just in case…

"Ichigo!" Rukia squeaked. "Please, please, please come here!"

"Why should I?" grouched Ichigo, already attempting to locate Rukia.

"Because if you don't, I'll kill you."

Ichigo snorted. "Guess I'll just have to leave you here, huh?"

A yelp from Rukia caused him great joy. By that time, he'd been able to find Rukia by listening to her annoying loudness. Then came that noise again. Ichigo was startled to have something slam into him. The something gave a terrified scream. Rukia.

"What, you're not afraid of a little ghost, are you?" Ichigo taunted.

"N-no, of course not," Rukia replied. Ichigo could almost picture her sticking out her tongue.

"In case you can't see," said Rukia, "I'm sticking out my tongue."

At that moment, Ichigo felt something grab his throat. "Rukia," he choked out, "Let go."

"I'm not even touching you, Ichigo."

He attempted a snort, ending up with more of a cough. "Very funny. Seriously, though, I can't breathe."

Silence for a moment. Then, "Ichigo, I swear, I'm not touching you."

"Then…"

"Kurosaki Ichigo," came a blood-chilling voice, "I'm going to _kill_ you."

* * *

Chad answered the door. Standing on the front step, pushing up his glasses, was none other than Ishida Uryuu, captain of the Craft Club. "What is it, Chad?"

Orihime stood next to him, lost in space. "That ladybug won, Uryuu. It was a photo-finish, though." She smiled. "They must have adorable little cameras, but I wonder where they get the film developed? Cameras that small would have really, really tiny film, so-"

"Orihime," Uryuu said calmly. "You're doing it again."

Orihime seemed unresponsive, so Uryuu began conversing with Chad. "Why'd you call us here?"

"Well," said Chad, "I was walking down the street, and I saw Ichigo's newspaper getting wet. So I thought I'd just stop by and give it to him before it got too soggy to read."

Uryuu rolled his eyes. Only Chad.

Chad continued. "When I rang the doorbell, out popped Karin, saying something about Ichigo falling through a hole in the wall. I told her I'd check it out, and went upstairs…"

When Chad was finished with his story, Uryuu sighed. "Nothing out of the ordinary, it seems. Those two are always getting into predicaments."

"Predica…mints?" Orihime had snapped out of her dream world, but it seemed like she was about to enter another one. "Predicta-Mints. They'd let you see into the future! You could get a job as a professional fortune-teller, and rub that giant marble to…"

"Orihime," said Uryuu.

"Hmm?" Orihime looked up. "Yes?"

"Let's go in, shall we?" Uryuu ushered Orihime inside before she was too far gone.

* * *

When the three were upstairs, jammed into the tiny closet, they inspected the hole. Uryuu sighed again. "Only someone with a head as hard as Ichigo's could break through a wall." He peered into the blackness. "Of course, the hole shouldn't be too deep…this is only a two-storey house."

"The story of a house," started Orihime, before Uryuu coughed to interrupt her. "Uryuu, you could use some Predicta-Mints for that throat of yours."

"That would be a cough drop, not a mint, and certainly not a "predicta" mint. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with my throat." Uryuu turned back to inspecting the hole. "Ichigo's down there, Orihime. Can you think of a way to get him out?"

Orihime snapped to attention. "How about…an elevator! Or an escalator! Or a warp panel!"

"…never mind."

There was a sudden noise from down inside the hole. Uryuu leaned in to hear.

"…out! Get us out!" It was Rukia. Her screams were unmistakable.

Orihime cocked her head. "Is that Rukia?"

Uryuu pushed up his glasses. "It seems like it."

"Anyone up there?" This time, it was Ichigo. "There's something down here!"

"It's going to kill us!" Rukia cried.

Chad, Orihime, and Uryuu looked at each other.

"…badger?" ventured Orihime.

"How do you expect us to get you out, Kurosaki?" Uryuu yelled down.

There was a brief pause. "Ishida?" came the faint reply, then what sounded like a groan. The three strained to hear. "…rope, stupid!"

"Where?" shouted Chad.

"…downstairs closet!"

The three shot off down the stairs, going to get the rope from the downstairs closet that had caused so much pain the other day. Friday, to be exact. Luckily, none of them entered the closet so that the door could close behind, ergo, none of them were stuck inside the little room of death. Having retrieved the rope from under a cymbal monkey, the three rushed back upstairs.

"I've got the rope, Kurosaki!" Uryuu called back down the hole once the three were once again crowded into the closet.

"…down! Send it down! But hold on to the end!"

"I'm not stupid, you know," Uryuu yelled, lowering the rope down the hole.

"Don't leave me here!" Rukia was crying. There was a brief scuffle, from the sounds of it, then a tug on the line.

"Pull it up!" yelled Ichigo.

"Ichigo, wait!" The rope went slack.

"Get on with it!" yelled Uryuu.

"Don't you dare think that you can play Mr. Hero by sending me up first!" Rukia could be heard ranting. "I'm just as capable of going second as you are!"

More shouting. Uryuu got tired of waiting, about to drop the rope. Chad grabbed it instead.

Finally, another tug on the line. Chad attempted to pull it up. To his surprise, it was heavier then he'd thought. "Someone's gained weight."

"Let me help," Orihime chirped, which, of course, caused the still-grumbling Uryuu to lend a hand as well. With all three of them going at it, the rope was in in no time. All that was left was to pull the person on the end of it into the room.

Or should I say 'people'?

Clinging to the rope, in order, were Ichigo and Rukia both. Ichigo had the rope wrapped around one hand and was grasping Rukia's arm with the other. Rukia, one arm being clutched by Ichigo, was using the other to hang on to the rope for dear life. Ichigo, of course, went into the room first. It was quite a feat, getting him out of the hole, into the small closet, and then into the bedroom. Rukia was easier, considering her…lack of height.

Safely out of the mysterious hole in the wall, Rukia and Ichigo collapsed, panting. Uryuu, meanwhile, was staring at the large length of rope it had taken to get them out.

"This shouldn't be possible," he said, confused. "This house has only two stories!"

"It is perfectly possible," Ichigo wheezed. "That hole is demonic."

* * *

_Alright, there you go. Another suspenseful spot, just for you. Now, you know the drill. If you want the story to live, review. Or else. Oh, not that again. Just review, out of the kindness of your…how can that be spelled wrong? Wait, never mind. Out of the kindness of your heart. Or else._


	3. Byakuya Returns

_Well, you must've reviewed, like I…suggested. Yes. Suggested. So here's the third chapter. I forgot to put the phone-thing in the last one…so I'm puttin' it in this one. And there you have it. I don't have much to say here…I'm playing Phoenix Wright again and trying to avoid hitting the space bar in the same position because I'm wearing a groove in it. I've never done that before. Hey, maybe I'll hit it with my left hand…ooh, that's hard._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, I don't own The Twilight Zone, and I don't own a pink cell phone. I DO own a pink Nintendo DS. And I love it. Oh so much.**

* * *

Yamada Hanatarou was sitting on the couch, watching The Twilight Zone and occasionally clutching his face in sheer terror. He would also sometimes scream warnings to the people on TV. The episode was just coming to a particularly scary part when…

…there was a knock on the door.

Hanatarou jumped. Very high, actually. He also made a slight squeaking noise as he was startled by the unexpected caller.

At first, he just sat on the couch, holding a pillow in front of him for protection. After the knocking persisted, however, he decided he should _probably_ do something about it. Although it took him seven more minutes to actually get up and answer the door.

Fearfully opening the door, Hanatarou fully expected it to be something dreadful, something from…The Twilight Zone. But, (thank goodness), it was not, though it was rather frightening in its own way.

"Oh Hana-chan!" squeaked Yachiru, perched on Kenpachi's shoulder. Hanatarou paled. More than he already was, anyway. What had he done _this_ time?

"Hanatarou, nice to see you again," Gin gushed, creepy smile still plastered on his face.

"We came to-" The only non-scary one, Hitsugaya (he was just so short and ADORABLE!) was cut off by a wailing Momo.

"Life! It betrays me! Again! Again! My soul, it withers with-"

"Um…enough, Momo," Histugaya glanced nervously at Momo, who was stabbing the wall with a plastic butter knife. They no longer gave her real ones.

"Yes, anyway," said Gin, picking up where Hitsugaya, who was attempting to wrestle the butter knife away from Momo, had left off. "We came to ask you a favor."

Hanatarou gulped nervously. "W-what?"

"It's for Byakuya!" Yachiru piped up. "So you have to help us!

Oh dear. Last time Hanatarou checked, he did not particularly _like_ Byakuya. What horrors would he be forced to carry out?

"Yes, in a way," Gin mused. "Will you help?"

"W-what do you w-want me to d-d-do?" Hanatarou stuttered, still frightened. This, on top of The Twilight Zone, was too much.

"Give us your cell phone, kid," Kenpachi grumbled, getting to the point.

Hanatarou's face went blank. Cell phone? They wanted his _cell phone_?

"Wait, what's your number?" asked Gin, still smiling (of course).

Hanatarou hesitated at the strange request before answering. "…999-999-9999."

Yachiru squealed. Gin's smile…well, it stayed the same, because if it grew any bigger it would probably split his face in half. Momo was too busy scratching the wall with her fingernails. Hitsygaya cringed at the noise. Kenpachi…glowered. And Renji, wa-a-a-ay in the back, trying not to be noticed, snorted. Hanatarou grew more confused by the second.

"You have to give it to us!" said Yachiru, holding out her hand for the esteemed cell phone.

Hanatarou dug into his pocket, pulling out a…pink cell phone.

The group gave a collective "dot dot dot".

Finally, Yachiru spoke up. "It's…just like my hair!" she bubbled. At this, Kenpachi burst out laughing, and pretty soon everyone, except Momo, was cracking up. Even Renji.

"What, do you want it or not?" asked Hanatarou, not getting what was so funny.

At the sight of the little white kitty hanging from the phone, the laughter increased.

Finally, it stopped, and Gin reached out and took the phone. "Okay, who wants to do it?"

"I vote Momo!" said Yachiru.

Hitsugaya frantically waved his hands "no".

"Yes, I think Momo would be good. Everyone else?" Gin paused to take votes.

There was a Momo from Renji, a Momo from Kenpachi, a Momo from Yachiru (again)…that made it unanimous. Momo was to do it. They didn't count Hitsugaya, who was pulling his hair out in protest.

"Me?" Momo pointed to herself uncertainly. "You want…_me_…to make the call?"

The group, everyone but Hitsugaya and Hanatarou, nodded.

Suddenly, Momo broke into tears. A rainbow appeared over the scene. "No one's ever wanted me to do something so _important_!" Birds chirped and a little music-box tune played.

"Awwwww," sighed Yachiru.

And so Momo dialed Byakuya's number.

* * *

Byakuya had had to go through an extended period of counseling after the last phone problem. Sessions involved drawing lots of colorful pictures and talking about his feelings of wanting to kill all who opposed him. Sadly, it had ended in tragedy, as the phone of his therapist had begun to receive prank calls as well.

"My _LIFE_!" Byakuya screamed as he rampaged down the street. "I hate my life! And I swear that I shall take my revenge on the-"

Suddenly, the phone rang.

Now, you'd think Byakuya, by this time, at least, would've been smart enough to just let the voicemail get it. But no, he answered the phone, screaming into it before even hearing the voice on the other end.

To his utter surprise, there was no voice on the other end.

Stunned, Byakuya held the phone out and studied the screen. On top of the daisies of the background, a single number stood out in bold type. "999-999-9999," Byakuya read aloud.

And then he stopped, paling.

Byakuya, you see, was actually a big fan of urban legends. It was number four in his hobbies list, before doing his hair but after killing, maiming, looking creepy, and scaring small children. He had, of course, heard of the legend of the 999-999-9999 number, and when he saw it, he almost fainted.

No, wait. He did faint. Sorry.

* * *

"What do you mean by 'demonic'?" Uryuu was asking an out-of-breath Ichigo.

"He means 'demonic'," Rukia said matter-of-factly. "As in…demonic." She turned to Ichigo. "Right, Ichigo? Right?"

Ichigo only shrugged, which caused Rukia to begin rapidly poking him.

"Ichigo, a shrug is not an answer," she said, poking away.

Uryuu pushed up his glasses. This was completely illogical. He could not tolerate illogical things. He was about to open his mouth to make some snide remark, as was his specialty, when he was rudely interrupted by the sound of a doorbell. Moments later, Karin called up the stairs.

"Ichigo! Door for you!" A silence, then, "Wait, wait. Rukia! Door for you!"

"Which is it?" Ichigo yelled back.

After a pause, Karin yelled back, "Both! I guess!"

So Ichigo, annoyed, tripped down the stairs, Rukia right behind him. He sighed as he turned to corner to greet whoever was at the door.

Sadly, Ichigo's planned greeting was never revealed, for only moments after arriving at the door, Ichigo had a metal baseball bat in one hand and a fire extinguisher in the other.

"Byakuya!" Rukia shrieked. "What are _you_ doing here?"

There stood Byakuya, looking very shaky and very pale. He held up one finger. "Well, you see, I was-"

"Go die, Byakuya," Ichigo rudely interrupted, hefting the fire extinguished. "Or do you need assistance?"

"Yes, I need assistance!" cried Byakuya.

Ichigo shrugged and hefted the baseball bat.

"Wait, no! No! Not that assistance!" Byakuya waved his arms frantically. "Anything but that assistance! I'm doomed anyway!"

Ichigo paused with his assisting and glanced at Rukia, who shrugged. He turned back to Byakuya and sighed.

"What is it, Byakuya?"

Byakuya clutched his head in his hands. "Oh, Ichigo, it really, really, really pains me to say this…well, actually, to be more precise, I'd rather have hot needles shoved through my eyes. But…well, I'm afraid I'm in need of…"

Ichigo waited for him to say it.

"I'm in need of…" Byakuya seemed to be struggling a bit…

Rukia stalked up to where Ichigo was standing. "Oh, spit it out, stupid."

"Fine!" snapped Byakuya. "I need your freaking help, Ichigo!"

Ichigo and Rukia looked at each other and snickered infuriatingly. Byakuya tapped his foot in annoyance.

When they were finally done snickering to each other, Rukia and Ichigo turned to Byakuya, smug grins still plastered across their faces.

"What's the problem, Byakuya?" snorted Ichigo. "Or more importantly, why can't you take care of it yourself?"

"Ichigo," said Byakuya, "I really don't want to be forced to crack some heads. If it were a matter of strength, I'd have no problem. But…well, this morning, I got a call on my phone…"

"Of course you did," said Rukia, flatly. "That's what happens with phones. People call them."

"You don't understand! I'm going to die!" yelled Byakuya, fairly shaking the rafters and earning a "don't make me come over there!" from Karin.

"Well…well, is that really our problem, Rukia?" said Ichigo

Rukia rocked on her heels. "No, Ichigo, no it is not."

"Oh, come on!" Byakuya pleaded, much out-of-character. "I have evil things I need to keep doing! I can't die to some…to some phone-curse!"

"Phone curse?" said Rukia and Ichigo simultaneously.

"The legend!" said Byakuya. "The legend of number 999-999-9999!"

* * *

_So, I've finally updated. Sadly, it's almost not worth it, considering how few reviews this story has. Please review. I really don't want to forget about the story for the people who do care. Anyway, sorry for the amount of dialogue in this one. And, any of you readers out there, I'd like someone to please give me as much information about Byakuya as possible. Spoilers and non. Seriously, I haven't read/watched Bleach in a long time, so I've kind of forgotten...oh, and if you spot any inconsistencies, please point them out. And, as always, I love your ideas, and will give credit where credit is due._


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